Updated: Nov 13, 2018
By: Jocelyn Tran CWF '18
Yo everyone who decided to read this. Writing a blog isn't my cup of tea but Molly's blog (s/o to you Molly Robinson) inspired me to look back to our time at the Fellowship and I think 3 months has been a sufficient amount of time to gather my thoughts and feelings about what I encountered over the summer. I also read somewhere that having a gratitude journal helps combat ungratefulness (duh) and the negative cycle of thinking. So I decided to write this post as a gratitude post that has an inclusion of my journey after the Fellowship.
I will never fully understand how I had the opportunity to take classes at a beautiful castle in Germany or how I was blessed to meet some of the most thought-provoking group of individuals that were down to clown. For the first in a very long time, I didn't question who I
was and my worth. I got to see the Pope again and learn about the history of our Church. I learned about the love that God had for us and the Church. So at first when I came home, I was so excited to continue to live the love I felt at the Schloss. Sadly, when I went back to school I started struggling again. For a bit, I lost sight of the good that I had in my life and I became overcome and blinded by all these negative feelings. Once again, I started questioning myself and who I was. I started to feel alone again. But the relatively constant whatsapp ring on my phone and visits to the chapel during adoration has always reminded me that I wasn't alone. Every time I went to Mass on Sunday, it felt like we were all in that
chapel in Germany with each other. I may not be in Germany with any of you anymore, but it won't change the bonds that I had with each one of you. When I came back home, life became real and a little harder, but the Fellowship Schloss process has yet to fail me. I now have a goal for myself that's beyond the horizon. I want to be a person who encompasses joy and radiates love. To be able to let someone feel the love God gave me is my goal in life. I want to spread love, especially to those who need it a little more than the average person. And I have you all to thank for helping me find this goal. Every conversation, whether it be in a group or individually, has helped me create this goal. Even at my worst times, this goal you all helped me carve for myself has helped me regain hope.
Life isn't easy and I have a long journey ahead of me because there are wounds that have room for healing. But someone kind of unreliable but really wise (this is total shade at one of the CWF staff members and if she reads this she'll know I'm talking about her) told me "sometimes happiness is a choice...you have to wake up and say, today I choose to be happy". I believe it all the way. I'm no Mother Teresa but I do want to let others feel the love she gave them. Some days are really hard to get through, but I know (or at least I think) that this is all a part of the process to becoming a person who radiates love. And that gives me hope. So once again, thank you for being a part of my journey and I hope to make you all more proud of me than you already are.
So I have my work cut out for me. There are always times I wish I was back at the Schloss waiting for the coffee machine to get fixed or getting lost in Rome. Even more so, I wish I was in the comfort of the love that came from being among everyone. But I have High Hopes that I'm always gonna be Hooked on a Feeling. Cheers everyone and see you guys soon or whenever whether it be here or in heaven XD
Love, Jocelyn Asian Assassin Tran